Last night’s Academy Awards were bookended by two extraordinarily unexpected events. Yes, The Departed was something of a surprise for Best Picture and, sure, maybe Eddie Murphy got robbed, and, indeed, Melissa Etheridge’s labored tune had no business winning Original Song. But let’s set our sights past that for a while.

First, before Ellen ever appeared in her red velvet tux, Cameron Diaz surprised us all by showing up in an envelope:

The visual juxtaposition is incontrovertible. It’s an envelope. But why? Is this some statement on the concealment of communication? Is she sending subtle hints that she’s available for pen pal relationships?

The second earth shaking moment came when the whole show finally ground to a delayed halt. When the confetti cleared, Noel was declared the winner of the Oscar prediction pool. Yes, Noel. Having picked thirteen winners correctly, he won the golden bag of egg-shaped candy and the respect of his peers.

We can perhaps cite Mesh and his handy faking-the-Oscars guide for Noel’s triumph, but I’m not sure if blame can be pinned on the same for Diaz’s stationary-inspired couture.