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Dirty, Dirty Santa

I take a break from my self-exile in paper-writing-wonderland to report on the results of our small group’s Dirty Santa gift exchange last night. We gave:

  • Our extra copies of C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters and an extra copy of John Calvin’s Golden Booklet of the Christian Life. We feel a little less Presbyterian having given these away, but we’ll manage.
  • A three-in-one picture frame that had been sitting in our bedroom for a while. I’m not sure why. And the unbelievably hideous brass wreath ornament that Noel received at last year’s company Christmas party. There’s an engraved fighter jetĀ  tearing around the world in the middle of the wreath.

Noel received, in a single, black, white, and pink patterned gift bag:

  • 4 pink, green, and white striped cotton napkins
  • 6 write and erase stem markers for all those wine parties we throw; it came in a difficult to open plastic cube that almost proved too complicated for Noel to open
  • 3 orange plastic packs of paper soaps. In citrus!
  • 1 pale yellow plastic tube that the gift-giver swore was for peeling garlic

I received, in a single gift bag:

  • A translucent pink, white polka-dotted, glitter infested bracelet. Words really don’t do it justice.
  • Uno.
  • A magnetic key hider box that says KEY HIDER EXTRA LARGE in incredibly large type on the front. Way to be discreet.
  • The heaviest tea light candle holder in the history of mankind, crafted from some kind of Pakistani stone.
  • And, the ultimate Dirty Santa gift: a length of navy blue velor edged with artificial pine garland and complexly stitched and pinned to allow the lucky recipient the opportunity to wear it as a “Christmas tree costume.” Liz claimed she had worn it for several years. I don’t know how they celebrate Christmas down in Alabama, but that seems like a bit much.

Thanks, Dirty Santa. We can’t wait to give all of this away next year!

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